We are in the midst of football season again and that means tailgate feasts! The Convivial Boar is a Razorback fan —go figure—which among other things means that the joy of a game often peaks just before kickoff. At home games, the Boar joins forces with a good friend to present Saucy Snout tailgating.
Just to whet our appetite, below is the tailgate invite for the 2013 Arkansas vs. Texas A&M game —featuring a certain player that seems to have his finger in everything these days.
Greetings! My Snouty Friends.
We invite you to another edition of Saucy Snout tailgating to savor the moments (and by moments I mean hours) before the ball is first struck by one’s foot…and then, well we know what happens then…
Course I –“smoked avocado bruschetta”
In the off-season, we decided to up our game (we thought that was the general mood in the vicinity of Fayetteville) so we
decided to employ a more coordinated and disciplined approach to tailgating fare. To that end, we are now offering a menu complete with food and drink pairings. But, do not fear, in addition to the suggested drink pairings, the Expedition Bar will be open.
Our first course, which will be served around noon, will feature smoked avocado bruschetta paired with champagne (sparkling grape juice for the younger snouts)— we share Johnny Football’s zeal for the green-stuff and finer things in life.
Course II –“skewered duck”
Several people have asked me over this past weekend, “Did we lose to Rutgers?” It seems, for some odd reason, that many folks thought we had won. Alas, the game outlasted our zeal, and I must sadly report that if you are the sort of person that looks only to the final score, then you will see it as a loss. But, there is a bigger story at play.
I’ve noticed over the past few years that the AFLAC Duck is running short of trivia material. Imagine ten years from now, an older but still fairly spry duck marches across the screen and the following question appears: “What SEC team had the Scarlet Knight’s Sword stuck up its ass two years in a row?” And, the wise-and-oh-so-clever commentator (you know the one) adds, “Hint: by ass I mean ham,” and then snorts a few times for good measure.
So, you see the Duck won and will be skewered with a pepper in our second course and paired with a variety of tequila shots or a nice margarita on the rocks (I always think of tequila when I see that duck). (younger snout pairing: orange juice).
Course III –“smoke’n-snappy balls”
I do want to give a shout-out to our center, Travis Swanson (anybody else recall a center being the most celebrated player on the team?). Apparently, he’s so good in fact and snaps the ball with such force, the quarterback can’t catch the snaps (also, an odd situation). Third Course: smoke’n-snappy balls (think, spicy venison meatballs slathered in a smoky barbecue sauce and wrapped in bacon) paired with a chilled, brown New Castle beer. (younger snout pairing: root beer).
Course IV –“Bielema’cue sandwich”
And now, in the spirit of Johnny Football, our signature course:
Bielema’cue Sandwich: spice-rubbed smoked pork loin with a bold slab (possibly a bit smelly) of Wisconsin cheddar cheese served topless (bun showing on bottom) and scantily dressed with a drizzle of truffle oil. Drink pairing: Moscow Mule: vodka, ginger beer and lime. (younger snout pairing: fruit punch)
Course V –“#karma apples”
I can’t finish without addressing a disturbing situation –silly really, but it has garnered some attention. Last season, I attempted a dessert on the smoker (oh there were the naysayers and those who secretly wished it to flop). It was edible, some even said “good.” Even still, I was not proud of it. We can do better. But, the saddest most cruel thing happened a few minutes later when Celebrity Chef Bobby Flay seemingly received word of my smoky mediocrity and floated up a hot-air balloon for all to see with the following printed in bold letters: #karma. Oh the pain, it hurts still. Undaunted, however, I will again attempt to finish strong with a smoked dessert.
Final course –#karma Apples: smoked apple crumble braised in a hard apple cider. Take that Flay…
Here’s to another season of tailgating, my friend…and hopefully a little football too.
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